Live Through This

Chapter Three: Bad Luck Charm

Starlight punctured flesh with needles and tuned out the cries of every patient she saw. It felt like hundreds of people, all with bleeding, wet skin. Troopers and civilians alike all full of shrapnel and laser burns. It was foreign to her, being of a species with exoskeletons, but it interested her nonetheless—how they could be ripped and torn, flesh left in ragged little flaps. Her bony fingers wrapped around shredded limbs and she sewed them back up like she did her cloak when it got torn. It didn't feel much different.

Eyes called her out on that.

"Easy, easy!" he said. She'd been rushing, pulling the suture thread too tight as she put his shoulder back together. A jagged piece of metal had gotten him right between the armor plates and torn through his black bodysuit. She'd had to irrigate the wound and pick out bits of rubble and frayed fabric. It was a nasty wound, but nothing she couldn't handle. Unfortunately for Eyes, though, they were running out of bacta. He didn't get to have any. Anyone up and walking was deemed low priority.

"Sorry," she said, shaking her head and blinking away sleepiness. She wanted to be done with this. They'd been attending to the wounded for hours, after days of fighting without end. Starlight had gotten a few hours of sleep in Konni's lap while the medic reset Konni's broken arm, but she was pretty sure no one else had gotten the luxury. Konni went easy on her most of the time because she was young. It didn't quite make sense to her, because Eyes was younger than she was. All the troopers were.

It had been explained to her that the clone troopers aged differently than other humans. They'd been designed to speed through their lifespans at double time, but Starlight didn't understand how that didn't make them kids. Or at least teenagers. There were many species in the galaxy who aged at rates different than humans did. It seemed unfortunate to Starlight that she would outlive them all, and that they never got to spend a moment of their short lives not working.

She liked the troopers. Eyes was one of her favorites. He was shy and introspective. He liked to read, and every holonovel Starlight recommended to him he actually read and discussed with her—even the books that weren't his usual bag. Starlight enjoyed medical history and novels pertaining to that theme. Eyes liked crime stories, gangsters and all of that. But still he read the historical fiction and talked with her about it. She would almost consider him a friend, except that getting attached to someone who would certainly die soon was a bad idea.

They'd lost several since they landed on the fourth moon of Wrarí. Haran, Bowie, Lou, Scrape, Reds, Tooth, Buruk—acquaintances, all dead. Bowie had nearly drowned to death pinned under rubble, but ultimately succumbed to crush injuries and blood loss. She’d gone back to his body with Commander Hops, who wanted to collect a piece of his armor. He was already turning gray and green. His face was swollen and his eyes and mouth were open in an absent expression, eyes clouded over. Hops had thrown up before he was able to retrieve the memento from his brother's corpse. Starlight had to help him in the end. His hands were shaking; he had tears on his face. Konni had never placed much stock in the Order's guidance on attachment, but Starlight thought the dangers of it were clear.

She didn't know what her reaction would be were Konni to die. It was certainly a possibility—Jedi died all the time in this war. Not as much as clones and civilians did, but they'd just lost Master Kashi earlier that day. Starlight liked to think that she had a lot of practice dealing with death and would be able to appropriately compartmentalize. But then again, Hops had seen a lot of death too. The thought was a scary one, so she banished it. She needed to finish suturing Eyes' shoulder so she could move on with her day.

"Truly no bacta?" Eyes asked, wincing as Starlight pulled tight another stitch.

"The suture is coated. That's all you're gonna get."

"Unbelievable," Eyes groaned. "Sawbones got some."

"Yeah, well, he's a medic. He needs to be upright so he can take care of everyone else." She placed another suture and he hissed.

"Right, and I just have to make plans to save our skins. Don't need to be alive for that," Eyes muttered under his breath, but Starlight heard it.

"You're not dying today, I'm afraid. This hole in your shoulder is rough but under control." Positioned as she was behind him, she almost missed his eye roll. She laughed, and saw him crack the slightest smile. He really was charming, once he warmed up. "What is the plan, Sergeant? Master Nafai says we're all heading into the jungle to look for the other Jedi. That true?"

"No. We're leaving a squad here to keep the city secure and re-establish comms."

Starlight nodded. Konni thought that if she kept everyone where she could see them, she could stop them from dying. Konni had a good heart, but she wasn't a tactician. She was whip-smart when it came to culture, politics, navigation, and medicine…but she was organized chaos personified. She couldn't keep track of this many people. Hell, she'd had a hard time adjusting to having Starlight around. She commanded with charisma more than logic. Everyone wanted to follow her because she was—well—she was Konni Nafai. But privately, Starlight wondered if Konni's style of leadership wasn't what was getting their troops killed.

She was glad they had Commander Hops. He liked and respected Konni, but knew how to gently redirect her foolhardy plans into something feasible. He was all that was standing between them and utter destruction. Very few people were immune to Konni's special flavor of charm, but Starlight was glad he was one of them. She had fantasies of completing the Jedi trials and becoming a General, taking command of the 413th. It was nothing against Konni, truly. Starlight just felt that if destiny was really a thing, this was hers. As a General she would lay waste to everything that threatened the Republic with a swiftness none of the older Jedi could fathom. She’d grown up in this. The war was her making. She knew she could shape it.

"You coming with us into the jungle?" Starlight asked.

"Yeah," Eyes said plainly.

"How long do you think the walk will take?"

"Three days, if we don't run into any more osik."

"Three days with no stopping?"

"No. That's with camping. The General argued that we should press on through the night, but Commander Hops argued that with how many of us are wounded, we'd need to take a slower pace."

Starlight clicked her jaw in a way that to a Givin meant, oh I’m so sure, but probably sounded like nothing to Eyes.

Konni was running on empty. They all were, but Konni was doing it on purpose and dragging them all along with her. Starlight knew she should probably say something—or maybe ask Hops to bring it up. Konni was the one person in the galaxy that Starlight was sure she loved, and she would hate to see her crack under the stress. That was where they were headed.

Konni had expressly forbidden Starlight from entering her dreams. Starlight didn't quite understand why that made everyone feel so violated, but she chose to respect the request anyway. She thought about it now, though, and wondered if just this once it would be okay to pick around in Konni's brain, help shake some things loose. Through telepathy Starlight could gain knowledge of other people's current head space and soothe accordingly. It was a vital way of connecting with others for her. People were more pure in their minds, more themselves. It was a shame Konni didn't see it that way.

This would only be something to consider if Konni ever slept again. Starlight wasn't sure how likely that was.

Starlight placed the last suture in Eyes' shoulder and wiped down the spidery framework of thread with an alcohol pad. She placed an adhesive bandage over it all and sighed. This was the best she could do given their resources. "Alright," she said, "you can put your shirt back on."

Eyes rolled his shoulder a little, then pulled up the shredded top half of his undersuit. "Check in with General Nafai now," he said, looking over his shoulder at the hole in his shirt. "I'll find Hops."

"We're moving out soon?"

Eyes nodded as he reattached his armor plates. "I have to get the city squad briefed, then we're pretty much ready to start marching."

"Okay," Starlight nodded, wondering what a proper medic would say to her patient. "I will change the dressings on your shoulder tomorrow morning, if we both live that long."

Eyes scoffed, but not unkindly. "Alright, Sir. Sounds good."

She was supposed to be working on her bedside manner and realized she probably had just said something insensitive. So she gave Eyes a hug—which made him laugh—and she whispered "feel better soon," before departing to find Konni. While Starlight was the better tactician of the two, she did have a lot to learn from her master where other people were concerned.

She found Konni with troopers Fiend and Sawbones, looking at a holomap of their proposed route through the jungle. The Jedi monastery was in the deepest, thickest part of the jungle. There were caves and tunnels of roots they'd have to traverse to get through. Not even a hoversled could get to the monastery. It seemed like a ridiculous place to put anything, but Starlight guessed there were mysteries in the jungle that she had yet to discover. There had to be a good reason for the monastery to be there, and there had to be a good reason the CIS was on this moon.

"There has to be a good reason the CIS is on this moon," Konni said not thirty seconds after Starlight had that same thought. "If the Jedi at the monastery knew they were here, it means they're in the jungle as well. We should be prepared for a fight. They're doing something out there."

"And we really have no data to go off of? No knowledge of what might draw them to this place?" Fiend asked.

Konni shook her head. "I know what you know."

"I meant…" Fiend hesitated. "Sir, you know this moon. You must have some idea as to why the Jedi have interest in it."

"I don't really. The monastery is ancient, and the only Jedi who come here seek quiet contemplation. It's literally just a monastery, from what I've heard. No research facility or anything like that. Jedi Knight Laika Jowanna, a friend of mine, spent two years here as a Padawan. She never spoke of anything out of the ordinary, besides beasts in the jungle."

"Beasts?" Sawbones asked.

"I forget what they're called, but yes. Big cats. They were somewhat of a problem for the Jedi."

"Oh, fantastic," Sawbones rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest.

"We'll be fine, Private," Fiend said. "We're bringing as much firepower as we can carry."

"I sure hope you're right."

"General," Hops said, appearing behind Starlight with Eyes trailing behind him. He gave Konni a proper salute; she waved her hand in the way she always did—shorthand for at ease. "Perimeter is secure, the men are setting up temporary housing for the civilians. Contact has been established with the nearest Jedi cruiser, but they're about forty-eight hours from us."

"What cruiser?"

"The Novaborn, Sir."

"Not familiar with it," Konni said, then sighed. "We can't wait that long. We're going to have to go ahead into the jungle."

"No problem, Sir. My men here will stay in contact with them. We can't detect any more Separatist forces in the system, but our cruiser in orbit is aware of the situation. We have a pretty strong hold on the moon, and if anything changes—"

"It will change," Konni cut Hops off. "There's no way they didn't call for backup. Probably long before we did. They aren't here for no reason."

Hops remained as calm as ever. "Yes, Sir. Unfortunately there is little we can do about that until the Novaborn arrives. Our focus is on holding the city, and we feel that we aren't at an immediate risk of losing it."

"Alright, well, I'm just going to trust you on that."

Starlight performed the Givin version of rolling her eyes, but no one present would be able to pick up on it.

"Our team is ready to move out, as long as you and Fiend have the route confirmed," Eyes interjected, finally getting the discussion back on track.

"Yes!" Konni said, excited to be talking about maps. "Take a look at this." Her fingers danced into the blue holographic light and zoomed in on the dotted line they had plotted through the jungle. "This is based off the existing Jedi maps for pilgrimages to the monastery, but we updated it with recon droid data. The droid's range wasn't very far, but at least the first day's journey should be optimized."

Hops studied the hologram, nodded. "Let’s move out, then."

Fiend turned off the holo and called out to the remainder of his men; Hops called out to the 413th. They began marching into the jungle, stepping over rubble and collapsed trees. Starlight suspected that this journey would be perilous, but possibly not more so than staying behind in Stanoi. Here, they'd soon be under attack from the Separatist reinforcements. They would likely break the perimeter if they arrived before the Jedi cruiser did. She considered asking to stay behind and continue attending to the wounded civilians, but she liked her chances better in the jungle. That, and Konni needed her.

As soon as they broke through the tree line, sunlight could no longer reach them. The canopy was that dense. Starlight fell into step beside Konni and they began their journey. The Force sang here, in a way it no longer did in Stanoi. Many of the creatures of the jungle had no concept of war—at least not yet. Life persisted and flourished here still. Starlight wondered if it still would after they'd journeyed three days into it. They seemed to bring death and destruction with them wherever they went.

Starlight looked down at her hands and noticed she was still wearing her disposable gloves from suturing the wounded. The red blood typical of many humanoids stained them. On her right hand, right where she gripped the needle, her glove was torn and she could see the red-brown of dried blood smeared on her ash-white carapace. How long had it been that way? How had she not noticed? She thought back to Eyes reminding her to work more gently. Kriffing hells, she was tired. Maybe she had been too rough.

She shucked off the rubber gloves and stuffed them into the pocket of her cloak. She thought about asking Sawbones for some stims, like Konni often did. Jedi weren't strictly allowed to ingest stims. They were part of general GAR medical supplies, and while there were no rules prohibiting their usage, it was assumed that Jedi were above using something so crude. They had the Force, and could focus their energy in ways clones could not. But with the way the last several campaigns had gone, Jedi willpower wasn't cutting it anymore. Starlight was pretty sure that at this point Konni's bloodstream was more stims and instant caf than anything else.

She wanted to be sharp for whatever awaited them ahead, but after pondering over it for a few minutes she decided she didn't need to cross that particular line quite yet. Maybe in a few days she'd reconsider, but besides her current weariness nothing about stims interested her. Other apprentices she knew back on Coruscant swore that if you did enough of them, you could feel a rush of euphoria. That was an interesting prospect, but a distracting one—the exact opposite of what she needed right now. There were battle droids somewhere in this jungle, and she had to be ready for them and whatever carnage followed.

There would be more ragged, ripped flesh to cauterize and stitch back together. More bodies to pull mementos from. Plus, some sort of big cat lurking in the foliage. She hoped she'd get to see one up close.

Starlight tried to rub the blood from her fingers, and nothing came of it. It had soaked into the porous texture of her finger plates and wouldn't budge without something to wet it. Before she could even think whether or not it was a good idea, she stuck her fingers in her mouth and sucked the mess away. It tasted of salt and rust. It was a sickening taste—in a good way. The taste lingered even after she stuck her hands back into her pockets and marched on, wondering whose blood it was and whether they still marched with her or were dead on the streets of Stanoi.